The New Languages of Love

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I think it is fair to say that these are changing and evolving times. It is also fair to say that some relationships are taking a toll. For the last 6,000 or so years our collective experience has been rooted in paradigms of fear and mistrust. We have been dependent on our partners for survival and we did what it took as a species to make it work.

This would sometimes mean that as women we would bite our tongues or sit on our deepest yearnings or desires. We would ignore our dreams and simply do what it took for the sake of the family. And literally our lives depended on that approach. Women were property, disposable much like a house or car. The patriarchy deemed that rights and prosperity were passed through the male offspring and so the woman’s worth was found in her ability to produce progeny that were healthy and keep them alive by caring for them and of course the man of the house so that there was property and wealth that could be passed along. A woman’s worth was found in what she could bring genetically and practically. Her thoughts and beliefs were only as important as it contributed to the well-being of the household as a whole.

Of course this is a rash generalization and we can point to countless exceptions and if we look a bit further back we can see that prior to the advent of the patriarchal order, there was the matriarchal order wherein women were the dominant force in society. Now, to most women that have suffered at the hands of patriarchal rule, this seems like an ideal potential. A society where all women were viewed as powerful co-creators, where there was no war, because every member of the society was viewed as an important member. Every child was loved and well cared for. Men were honored for their abilities and unique strengths and gifts. Power and property were held by the community for the prosperity of all and women were loving and nurturing towards each other as there was no competition for men in order to survive.

Many people are waking up to the fact that neither of those scenarios would suit our now evolving species. Women are waking up to their inherent worth that has no bearing on the presence or absence of a man in her life. She is standing firmly in her rawness, her divinity, her beauty and her power. She is recognizing that her worth comes from the divine and is not decreed by a marriage covenant nor is she property that can be given away by her father to another man. In fact, she is honoring the recognition that her sexuality and in some cases gender identification (the feeling of being a man or woman) is more likely found on a sliding scale. She finds herself standing in honor and love of ALL children no matter where they are and who they were born to. She finds herself a defender of all rights to all people in love and uncompromising strength. She embraces those that feel the wrath of leaders acting in the grips of fear. A child that is hungry and lost and alone is her child…

Now this is leading to an incredible transformation in her relationships. As the patriarchy is winding down its grip on society and institutions it is coming up against the wildwoman, roaring “Our time is now!” And those men that have lived and been raised in the strict conditionings both educationally and religiously in societies that have lauded them, and given them ALL rights are struggling. They can see that it has been “wrong” but what else were they to do? They were doing all that they knew. They were doing the best they could.

Many women found themselves lending their voices, hearts and hands to the feminist movements which aimed initially to call to attention the inequalities and abuse that was rampant in a patriarcally dominated world… but those that were running the show already knew that. The only way women felt they could be equal was by competing with and becoming more like men in the way that they carried themselves and fought for what they wanted.

However, fighting for what we want rarely gives rise to the situation and outcomes we deeply desire. I would suggest it is more of a stepping into and claiming what is already divinely/inherently ours. What is the divine feminine? One only need ask in this moment… if I were to devote myself to self-love what would that look like?

The divine feminine honors all aspects of a woman. The greatest asset in my opinion of a woman is her creative power. She holds in her womb and in her heart the greatest capacity for unconditional love and creating a world wherein that is allowed to express itself with wild abandon. This of course is a huge threat to the conditioned patriarchy. It feels like utter chaos.

But where love reigns, there is divine order. And this is where the divine masculine steps into its fullest glory. Divine Masculine walks hand in hand with the Divine Feminine… holding a space for her to shine. And the Divine Feminine reflects that back to him. Now this isnt to suggest that the divine masculine is assigned to males and divine feminine to females… each of us has aspects of both of these within us.

We are currently in a phase of balancing them out within ourselves.  To some people this manifests as a spiritual crisis where they feel they have to run as far away as they can from their cultural or religious conditionings. This may result in families feeling torn apart or relationships ending. But this isnt necessarily a “bad” thing.

All change must come with some degree of bumps. And no evolutionary change has ever come without all that was before being done away with… any chickensaurs running around? This can be scary and that is what the patrirachy would want you to believe.

The patriarchy can only survive as long as people stay in their ordered places and the only way this can happen is if they are afraid to stand in their own power and truth…

Here is where the new language of love enters in. We have been conditioned to believe that love is based on compromise, vows, bonds, obligation and subjugation. Men have not seen the way that they too have become chained by fear to these things and called it love. They have not allowed themselves to follow their passions and drive for something higher or better because above all they knew their place as filling their father’s shoes, even if it was ever so subtle. A mother may manipulate her son in to thinking that he was ultimately accountable to her and therefore must look after her in her old age. A man may have put his loyalty to his mother before his partner again reckoning back to the conditioning of the patriarchy. They subjugated themselves to the systems and institutions that were put in place FOR them… by some unknown group of people.

We as women are waking up. We see a new way. We see ourselves in a new light. We recognize that transparency and freedom are the new ways forward towards a world of unconditional love.

However, this is threatening to unawakened men that see this as women not needing them. And this is true in the sense that it is no longer appropriate to be bound by co-dependency. What people fear most is being alone. And in the past 6,000 years fear of being alone led us to relinquish our own power and gifts and abilities to keep the peace so to speak… but it isnt working anymore.

People are restless. People in relationships are waking up and realizing that it isnt enough to be with someone because well hell there was no one better at the time. Many couples I know that married young are struggling because they are not who they were when they married, their beliefs and thoughts on life have changed radically and they are growing up.

The end of a marriage doesnt have to be a bad thing. If approached with unconditional love it can be a freeing and empowering thing for both parties, but it doesnt even have to come to that.

If we are willing to bring unconditional love of ourselves into a relationship and look honestly at our partner with the same unconditional love we will see that it is unreasonable to expect another human to give us that sense of infinite connection and absence of fear that we can only get from connecting with the eternal *I* that exists within us. Some call this “god” or Source or creator… whatever… we will never ever find it in another human being.

So we are now as a collective being forced to let go of the conditional relationships we have had and from a place of freedom and unconditional love choose to be with with those that can offer us a place of celebration and hold a space for us as we continue to grow and expand into our highest selves.

This requires transparency, honesty, healing, allowing, questioning, patience, courage, integrity. Firstly with ourselves and then those around us. We dont have to be rude, but we may have anger come up in the process as we realize that we may not have been living in alignment with our highest goals, abilities and dreams. This is an opportunity to not take things personally… and equally not to make thing personal with those around us… it isnt their fault. We have all been living the lies of the conditioning… it isnt necessary now.

Ultimately we are each walking each other home. This home looks nothing like the place we have just come from. It is a place of love that bears no resemblance to the kind of conditioned love we have known… there is no if/then to this love… it simply loves for the sake of loving…

So if you are in one of those relationships that is struggling right now, it is ok to ask, do I want this to be a stepping stone into something better or do I want to use this as a wall? And then to ask oneself, are we in this together… can we make a commitment and goal towards something we both can really get on-board with or are have we taken this road as far as it will go?

Bless the paths of all those around you and yours too will be blessed. Hold the highest vision for those you love and all those whom have loved you. You will reap nothing but blessings in doing so.

There is always more love in our lives when we hold a space for love to come… and go…

Infinite Blessings,  Jenn

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